Connecting with Your Teen: A Mom's Guide to Restoring Closeness
Laurie Moser . Published May 11, 2024
Source: unsplash
I used to bombard my kids with questions once they got home from school. I attempted THIS because I thought I was showing interest in what they did during the day at school.
I THOUGHT I WAS CONNECTING WITH MY KIDS. 🚫
It took me several months of failed attempts at conversations, with a grunt acknowledgement of school was "fine," from my kids to change things up.
What did I do to connect?
Stopped doing what wasn't working and tried some different tactics for connecting with my kids.
Let them relax when they got home from a day of school before asking questions.
Waited until they felt ready to talk (unless it was something urgent). Usually this is in the evening when I'm ready for bed!
Allowed the conversation to just happen without going in with specific questions that I wanted to bombard them with.
What happened when I did this?
I started having quality conversations with my teens. In just a couple minutes of conversation, I would find out how their day went, what they were struggling with, concerns and what happened at school.
This didn't always happen BUT it was it night and day from bombarding them when they got home from school and needed, as my son says " relax time."
Here are 5 simple ways to HELP you CONNECT with your teen: (my favourite is driving in the car)
1. Quality Time Without Distractions: This could be as simple as allowing them to talk to you before bed when it's a good time for them to open up. I was resistant at first because I like my sleep time but I realized if it worked for them and we could have some moments of connection, it was worth it! It could be sharing a meal together or going for a walk. My son and I like to take our old dog on walks. The key is to give them your undivided attention, showing them that they are valued and heard.
2. Find Common Interests: Discover activities or hobbies that you both enjoy and can do together. Whether it's baking cookies, playing a video game, watching a favorite TV show, or going for a bike ride, finding common ground strengthens your bond and creates opportunities for meaningful conversations. My son and I will often watch 10 -20 minutes of a movie in the evening and I love doing this with him. We don't say much of anything, we just enjoy the movie time together.
3. Open Communication: Create a safe space for open communication where your teen feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. Listen actively without judgment, validate their emotions, and encourage them to express themselves honestly. This builds trust and strengthens your connection. You don't have to agree with what they're saying, just listen.
4. **Be Present During Daily Routines: Take advantage of everyday moments like driving them to school. I love this way to connect. I've had some of my best and most unexpected conversations in the car. Use these moments to share stories, or simply enjoy each other's company.
5. Show Affection and Support: Don't underestimate the power of simple gestures like hugs, high-fives, or words of encouragement. Let your teen know that you are there for them no matter what, offering your support and love unconditionally. These small acts of affection strengthen your emotional connection and reassure your teen of your unwavering support. My 19 year old daughter is not a big fan of hugs, so I will send her notes letting her know how much I appreciate and love her.
It might take some trial and error, isn't that what parenting is all about though? BUT it's worth the time and effort to find different ways that work for you and your teen to connect.
You know how amazing it feels when you have a conversation with your teen and you felt that connection!
We all need more connection in our lives. 💗
LAURIE MOSER
Laurie Moser is an advocate for moms’ mental health. Supporting moms who have teens with mental health challenges using self-care tools & group support. Laurie has been featured by Focus on the Family, Real Biz Moms, Tracking Happiness and a guest on 5 Minutes for Me App, Voice of Women (VOW), I Never Knew (INK) and the Life Changing Habits Summit.
