This happened with my teen when I shut up

Laurie Moser . Published March 21, 2024

Source: unsplash

I'm an expert! On reading books written by experts. I give myself an "A" for being a good student and reading the required or recommended books, listening to the experts, taking the courses etc. BUT here's the thing: You can be a really great student but until you put the knowledge to work, it's just occupying space in your head.

When it comes to parenting, you know it's all about the real, raw and hard day to day interactions with your kids/teens that really test you. 🤯

The other day, I was on the phone with my daughter who's living in Belgium and going to University there. I won't bore you with the details of the long conversation, here's my big parenting win: I just listened to her for 30 minutes straight, with the odd "yes," or "I understand," thrown in. You know what? It was one of the best conversations that we had. I know she felt heard, understood and appreciated that I "actually listened," to her and didn't' offer my genius advice or solutions this time. I felt like I had a conversation where I connected with her and I didn't even say much.

What I learned from that conversation, as parents we don't want to see our kids suffer or experience hardship or discomfort, especially if they're struggling with mental health issues BUT we can be there to support them without fixing or trying to solve their issues or problems. Often, as my daughter made me realize with that conversation, she just wanted to feel heard and understood. I did that, when I just listened to her. Being completely honest, it was hard to NOT saying anything but I did it and I know that you can also.

Plus, what I've come to understand from all the parenting books and experts I've listened to, when I let my daughter solve her own problems and issues, I'm showing her that I know and believe she's capable of doing this, which builds her self worth.

There was several times when it took everything in me to just listen and what I found super helpful was using one of my favourite self-care tools: breathing! I took a few slow breaths and instantly felt more calm. Try it next time you feel yourself getting agitated.

A self-care practice, gives you the tools needed to manage and deal with the daily stress and challenges taht come up every day. Stress is always going to be there but YOU can take control over how you handle it.

I know YOU want to show up as the best parent you can be.

Start small and simple, even 5 minutes makes a difference. You can do this!

I’m here cheering YOU on! 🥰

LAURIE MOSER

Laurie Moser is an advocate for moms’ mental health. Supporting moms who have teens with mental health challenges using self-care tools & group support. Laurie has been featured by Focus on the Family, Real Biz Moms, Tracking Happiness and a guest on 5 Minutes for Me App, Voice of Women (VOW), and I Never Knew (INK).