Nurturing Ourselves: The Power of Self-Compassion for Moms
Laurie Moser . Published February 22, 2024
Enjoying a beautiful winter hike - Rocky Mountains
My daughter who struggles with mental health challenges, is now in a place where she’s doing amazing. She’s going to school in another country that she picked, she’s made new friends and is doing new things every day. I’m beyond proud of her and it makes my heart expand a thousand times just thinking about it.
At the same time, I can easily go down that rabbit hole of guilt and shame. I start to think about all the things that I could and should have done differently. I think about the way that I handled certain situations that made it worse. I know so much more now.
I have changed the way I parent because of what I went through with her. I learned new parenting skills, tools and strategies from therapists, parenting experts, peers, books, podcasts, courses, etc. All of this knowledge and new skillset that I didn’t have back then. It’s so easy to beat myself up about it AND feel intense shame and guilt.
BUT that doesn’t help me now and it doesn’t help her and it won’t help you. I did the best I could at that time with what I knew and understood. You’re doing the same. Plus, I’m the parent that I’m now because of her and what I went through and I’m grateful for that. I’m more compassionate, open minded, understanding, caring and I can do the repair work now. When I do mess up, I now understand that I can sincerely apologize for it. I’m showing my kids that we ALL make mistakes AND we can learn from them and do the repair work.
I understand. I know the weight you carry, the nights you spend awake, the tears you shed in silence. It's not easy, navigating the complexity of parenthood, especially when your teen is grappling with mental health battles. In the middle of this ongoing journey, with all the chaos and uncertainty, I want you to remember one thing: self-compassion.
Grant Yourself Permission: Every day, remind yourself that it's okay not to be okay. Grant yourself permission to feel what you're feeling without judgment. Whether it's frustration, anger, shame or sadness, your emotions are valid. By acknowledging them, you're taking a crucial step toward self-compassion.
1. Practice Self-Care Rituals: In the middle of the hustle and bustle of daily life, carve out moments for yourself. It doesn't have to be grand or elaborate. It could be 5 minutes, as simple as savouring a warm cup of tea, taking a leisurely walk in nature, or indulging in your favourite book. These small acts of self-care are gentle reminders that you matter, that your well-being is essential.
2. Challenge Your Inner Critic: We all have that voice inside our heads—the one that whispers doubts and insecurities. When that voice rears its head, challenge it. Ask yourself, "Would I speak to a friend this way?" “Would I want my kid to talk to themself this way?” Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a loved one. You deserve that compassion.
3. Set Boundaries: As moms, we often put everyone else's needs before our own, especially our kids. BUT it's crucial to set boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health. Learn to say no without guilt. Prioritize tasks and obligations based on what truly matters to you and your family. You don’t have to keep the house spotless, or make homemade baked goods. You can have the kids or a partner help out more. Remember, saying no to others sometimes means saying yes to yourself.
4. Celebrate Small Victories: In the middle of challenges, it's easy to overlook the small victories—the moments of joy, resilience, and growth. Take a moment each day to celebrate these victories, no matter how minor they may seem. Did you get 5 minutes of self-care today? Did you have a good conversation with a loved one? Maybe your teen went to school today and it was ok. Whether it's a heartfelt conversation with your teen, a shared laugh, or a moment of peace, these are reminders of your strength and resilience. When you show your kid what self-compassion looks like, they see that! AND I know you want your teen to have compassion for themself.
My lovely mom, I know self-compassion may feel elusive at times, especially when the weight of the world rests on your shoulders. But remember, you're not alone on this journey. Be kind to yourself, embrace your imperfections, and know that you are enough, just as you are.
Say it again - I’m not alone and I’m worthy of self-compassion.
LAURIE MOSER
Laurie Moser is an advocate for moms’ mental health. Supporting moms who have teens with mental health challenges using self-care tools & group support. Laurie has been featured by Focus on the Family, Real Biz Moms, Tracking Happiness and a guest on 5 Minutes for Me App, Voice of Women (VOW), and I Never Knew (INK).
